TMNT Dead-Shots
by The Next Author
Summary: Just another collection one-shots and dead story plots to add to the many out there. Read or not, shoot for the stars.
1. True Wisdom

**True Wisdom**

Donnie's P.O.V.

As I'm driving home from the dentist, I spot Mikey in the corner of my eye, twisting in his seat to face the back.

I state," Mikey, what are you doing?"

He looks at me like he's been caught doing something wrong, "Uh…I'm recording them."

"Can I ask why?"

He snorts," Dude, they just got their wisdom teeth out. Do you know how many funny videos are out there of this moment? I _cannot_ miss this chance."

I sigh, not wanting to argue with him. I adjust the mirror so I can see my other two brothers. When I see what Raph is doing, I sigh again.

"Raph, stop poking your cheeks."

My brother lazily looks at me, his face bloated. He's poking his inflated cheeks as a bit of bloody gauze sticks out of his mouth. He looks at me, swings his arm back, then forward in a Hitler style, then screams, "YES, SIR SERGEANT RYAN!"

Leo giggles as Raph nearly hits me in the head," Heh, Captain Ryan."

I look at Leo next and say," Leo, get your fingers out of your mouth."

He's poking around in his mouth. "There's gauze in my mouth." He says, frowning.

"Yeah. I know. Keep it there."

"Why is there gauze in my- "

I nearly swerve into oncoming traffic as Leo starts screaming. Mikey jumps, almost dropping his phone. I look back, wanting to scream myself, but don't dare. "Leo, bro, put that back in your mouth. You're going to bleed to death."

Leo does as I say and puts the bloody gauze back in his mouth. I look back to the road, wondering what else will go wrong before we get home.

"Don," Mikey says, "should I say Captain Ryan was- "

"You have a nice smile."

Mike shuts up and I look back again. Raph is looking at Leo and Leo is looking at him. We all stay quite as Raph talks.

"You smile a lot. You're always happy and I'm not. I insult you and you just smile. I hurt you and you still love me. You're nice."

Mikey and I glance at each other. What is happening right now? What is Raph doing?

He just keeps going. "One time, you made me my favorite food. I never made anyone food. You're nice. I'm a jerk. I love you."

Mikey slaps a hand over his mouth to keep from squealing. Raph starts to lean toward Leo like he's gonna kiss him full on. Leo starts to lean forward, too, and I pray to everything that ever was invented that I don't have to turn back there and stop my drugged up brothers from _kissing_.

Instead, Leo just reaches up and sticks his fingers in Raph's mouth, saying," You got gauze in your mouth, too."

Mikey turns back around, eyes big," I, uh, I ain't recording anymore."

I nod, but say," But you did get that, right?"

He nods, "Yeah, why?"

I smile," I might just use it for leverage someday."

Mikey just laughs.

"…You're nice. I'm a jerk. I love you."

I watch Leo and Raph reactions, trying not to laugh. Leo is staring and I can tell he's in a mixture of laughing, smiling and crying cause he loves it so much. Raph is completely opposite of it, silent, mouth agape and eyes bulging.

At the point where Raph leans forward, he screams, "Please, oh shell, please tell me I didn't kiss him!"

Then Leo starts laughing as he watches himself stick his fingers into Raph's mouth. Raph slumps in relief, then jerks back up.

"Wait a minute. Did I say- "

"You love me." Leo smiles," Yes, you did."

Raph goes red," No! I was drugged! I…I didn't…"

Leo's smile dims, "You didn't mean it."

Mikey looks at me. I shake my head. Let them deal with this.

Raph shakes his head in confusion," No, I mean…I…I don't…ARGH!"

Raph stands and leaves to the kitchen.

I snort, "That was great."

Leo shrugs and goes back to watching his show, a sad look on his face. I bite my lip. No. I won't interfere.

As I predicted, Raph comes back in, a bowl of gyoza's in hand with green tea. He slaps it down into Leo's lap and walks the other way.

Leo stares for a moment, then smiles, puts the food on the floor and runs after Raph. I and Mikey smile and Leo tackles Raph in a hug. I can tell Raph likes it and grabs Leo hands to respond to his hug.

"Love you, Don," Mikey says. I smile and say I love him back.

 **A/N: This one-shot was based off of** _ **The Wisdom Teeth**_ **from The Middle which just went off air a month ago. As you can see these one-shots are going to be mostly Raph and Leo one-shots and plots. There will be other occasional differs but it will mostly be Raph and Leo. Go with it. Anyway, enjoy.**


	2. I Can't Do it Part I

**I Can't Tell Them**

 **Part I**

"You did…what?" I hiss at Raph; my mind being blown to bits by what Raph just said.

He says it again as I stand up," I married Mona."

I am in front of my big brother forcing myself not to strangle him. "I'm sorry? You… _carried_ …Mona."

Raph squints in confusion," No. I married her."

I shake my head," I heard you. My brain cannot even process the actual fact that you just said 'married.' So, I'm assuming you said 'carried'. Like over a big puddle in the sewer."

Raph shrugs," Yeah, I did carry her."

I relax," Oh."

"Into the lair after I married her."

I feel my eyes bulge and I slap my hands to my head, and look away from Raph, walking to my desk," Oh, why, why, why, why, why, why!? WHY!? Why did you do it!?"

Raph frowns," To tick off Leo." 

My anger just reached a new level," W-w-wait, you got married just to make Leo mad!"

"Yeah." He has this stupid look on his face and I want to slap it.

I calmly say," Well, what did he say when you told him?"

"I didn't tell him because he's gonna be mad."

I start laughing, my panic overwhelming me," Yeah. Getting married to make Leo mad. Makes total, logical and absolute sense."

Raph's starting to get mad now," Look, it just happened! Mona and I were in the Shellraiser talking about how her parents hate me and my family don't except her, and I don't know. We started feeling like, 'Hey, we don't need nobody. We got each other.' So the more we talked about it, the more upset we got, and the next thing I know, we're at Bishops. Then I started having second thoughts, but Mona was so happy that I went for it, even if Bishop was giving me funny looks- "

I grab my staff and start hitting him," That's because you're too young to get married! You're seventeen! You're not supposed to get married until you're at least twenty! And then get married in a freaking church, surrounded by your friends and family, and I am supposed to be a groomsmen walking with April! Now, I'll just have to be a groomsman for Mikey and Leo and wear a Foot suit or a freaking Martian helmet!"

Raph grabs my staff, yanks it away from me and throws it away." This isn't about you guys. It's about me and Mona and I love her."

I scowl," Enough to be married to her forever! Like 'til death do you part' love her?"

Raph pauses," I think so."

Anger grabs me again," You think so…? YOU THINK SO!?"

Raph steps back as I grab one of my beakers," I don't know, Don. Stop nagging me. I got a wife." The second her says it, his eyes grow as big as bulbs," Oh my shell. I've got a wife!"

I take a deep breath and sigh," Okay, okay, okay. All right…let's just breath for a second." I exhale and say," Okay. Where is Mona now?"

Raph rubs his head, closing one eye," Uh…well, after we got married, we hit Murakami's, and then I drove her back to Slashes and dropped her off cause she had to work, but I don't know where she is right now. Oh, my shell! I have a wife and I have no idea where she is! Shouldn't I know where my wife is at all times!?"

I groan," Seriously, Raph, how is this going to work? Where are you guys going to live? Are you moving in with her? Is she moving in with us? Are you guys getting your own place? Is she gonna take your name? Are you gonna make her be a Hamato? Oh, shell." I look Raph straight in the eye and state," Raphael, you have to talk to Leo and Splinter."

Raph's face gets screwy and I think I see tears," I can't, Don…I just can't." Raph bows his head and leans against me in a hug. I tense up. As much as a hug always feel good to me, this is just awkward.

I look down at him and say," Well, you have to. They will understand. They love you. A-and, obviously, you are very confused and conflicted, because, you're hugging me, and not trying to shove me away."

Raph steps back, another look of confusion on his face. I grab his shoulders and say, Talk to them, Raph."

He shakes his head," No, Don…Leo's gonna kill me. He's gonna hate me for the rest of my life. I can't…I can't do this to him."

I sigh," I get it, Raph, but, this is Leo. He'll love you no matter what."

Raph looks up at me hopefully," Really...?"

 _The Middle Episode: A Very Marry Christmas_


	3. He Finds out Part 2

**He Finds Out**

Setting: In van, Don, Raph and Mikey in back, Splinter driving, Leo on passenger side. They are in a small town an hour from the farm house where they are spending Christmas. They left two days after Raph told Donnie the situation and still has to tell his family much to Donnie's irritation.

Raph glares at Donnie as Leo's cell starts ringing. He grabs it and cheerfully answers, "Hello?"

Don glares back and I feel like my head is gonna start burning from their stare. I listen to Leo cause he sounds happier than what Don and Raph look like. "Oh, hey, Sla-uh-huh. Uh-huh. I did not know that. Yeah, we'll head out there. Thanks for telling me. Merry Christmas to you, too."

I watch Leo end the call. What he does next nearly makes me wet myself. Leo's always been good at pitching a ball, but with a phone in his hand, he's deadly. The phone flies by me so fast, I feel a breeze. The impact against Raph's face, makes him howl and a welt rises on his face," What the- "

"YOU GOT MARRIED!" Leo screams, steam practically coming out of his ears.

Raph pales," Uh- "

He doesn't get far. Leo reaches back and starts hitting Raph. I have to shove into Donnie in order to avoid getting hit. "YOU IDIOT!" Leo howls.

Splinter looks back in confusion," Leonardo, what are you- "

"Uh-oh," I mumble to myself, realizing the situation.

Leo turns to Splinter, furious," He married her, Sensei. He married Mona!"

"Yeah," Donnie tries to say but Splinter cuts him off.

"You did what, Raphael?" Splinter hisses.

Leo hits Raph in the groin and my big brother yells out in pain, "Ow! Leo!"

Leo howls plenty louder," I'M GONNA KILL YOU! That was Slash on the phone! I had to hear it from him!"

"Leo! Stop, please…OW!"

Raph grabs the vans door handle and jerks it open. He falls out of the van and I gasp.

"Stop him!" Leo yells, getting to his feet and whipping like a tornado out of the van as Raph runs into someone's yard. Splinter pulls to the side and he and Don hop out. As soon as I'm out of the car, the first thing I hear is feet clomping through the snow and Raph screaming at the top of his lunges," Oh shell, oh, shell," over and over again.

As I try to catch up, Leo throws a shuriken at Raph, yelling," What the shell were you thinking!?"

Raph dodges, replying with," I wasn't thinking you should know! You know I'm not good with words!"

"Guys," I howl," Wait! Hold on, hold on!"

Splinter hops in front of Raph as Leo grabs a plastic candy cane and says calmly," Did you have to marry her?"

Raph looks confused," What? No."

Leo's eyes bulge and the veins in his neck and head start to grow. He raises the candy cane above his head," THAT MAKES IT WORSE!"

Raph barley has time to move as Leo hits him square in the arm with the cane, then he starts to run again.

Donnie starts yelling," I told him to tell you! I was the only one who knew! It was killing me! I turned my chemicals into orange juice!"

Raph runs behind the three wise men as Splinter chases him. The second Splinter sees it, he snaps," Oh, no! You get away from those wise men! You've got no business being around wise men!"

Raph stumbles back, struggling to make his case," I wanted to tell you guys, but I didn't want to ruin Christmas."

I snort, "That ship has sailed."

Leo grabs a wise man, using it as a baseball bat, driving Raph back, "I can't believe you did this! You got married and you didn't tell me! You didn't even invite me! I know I would've been stuck wearing a stupid Salamadrian suit, cause that's what always happens to people like me. I'm always the last to know! Always!"

Raph pushes the wise men back and runs for the van. Splinter yells," Michelangelo, get him!"

I try to tackle him but completely miss. So does Donnie. Splinter jumps over our heads and lands on Raph's shell, face planting him in the snow," Where are you going, Raphael?"

Leo runs over, grabs Raph, screaming as he shakes him," Get up, you fool!" and Donnie's yelling," I told him to tell you!" And Raph's pleading," No, please, listen, I can explain!" All at the same time. And I just sit down…and laugh.

* * *

"Casey, stop the car!"

I stop and roll down the window just in time to see Leo start slapping Raph and Don and Splinter scream.

"What the freak is going on?" I say.

April stares agape," Oh, no. Raph finally killed Karai."

All the while, Jerith is in the back…taking pictures.

 **A/N: Alright, alright, alright, before you all get angry or anything about Jeri, let me explain. He is my OC that I'm sending out on a test run. The next couple of shots are about him and who he is to the turtles. I'm putting him in now as a little introduction to the fact he exists. These next few shots are what I was saying about dead story plots. My story A Little Unsteady was up briefly but do to unseen incidents, I could not finish it, so I'm putting it here for those who need a little clearing up**

 **Anyway, hope you enjoyed and till the next chapter, Next Authors oath.**


End file.
